Tips & Tricks Section
Quality equipment : lenses, tripods and accessories
Knowledge...then Practice Practice Practice
"Old photographers never die, they just fade away."
The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. - - Norman Vincent Peale
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. -- Albert Einstein
Watch out for the exposure police.
They will tell you that its wrong even
though they weren't there to witness it.
Logic is superior to emotion
Emotion is much more fun!
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film or there memory cards are blank.
I had a phone call from a buddy last night.
He just got back from a day out in London and he told me that while there, he'd acquired a brand new, top of the range camera, absolutely free!
I asked, ''How ever did you get it?''
He said, ''I met a nice family from Japan in Trafalgar Square.
A member of the family handed me their camera and asked if I would take a photograph of them.
They lined up as a group in front one of the lion statues and smiled at the camera.
As I was about to press the button, I shouted to them ...‘WAVE!’ They all ran like hell and I never saw them again!!''
If you saw a man drowning and you could either save him or photograph the event...what kind of film would you use?
How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb? 50. One to change the bulb, and forty-nine to say, "I could have done that!"
A photographer was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. His magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze. When he arrived and realised that the smoke was so thick that it would make it very difficult to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!'' The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer and photographers take photographs." he responded. The pilot was silent for a moment,, and finally he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"
A friend of mine who teaches photography at a well-known school was approached by a noted brain surgeon who asked that he be given a crash course in photography because of some images he wanted to produce. “Okay,” my friend said, but I won’t charge you for the course if you’ll swap me a crash course in brain surgery because that’s something I’ve always wanted to do.
The quickest way to make money from photography is to sell your camera.
I do a lot of portraits of models, sometimes they're in bikinis or slinky lingerie. A friend of mine asked if I ever do nude shots. I said, "No, the studio floor gets cold, so I usually keep my socks on.
My wife HATES posing for me.
She walks away when I get the camera out.
Days after I got my first Digital SLR, I got out the camera and before I started taking pictures,
she yelled at me to put it away.
"Don't worry," I said, "it doesn't have any film in it."
That was the only time I've been able to take relaxed poses of her... and I doubt I could ever get away with it again.....
A photographer goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.
After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks,
"You are a beautiful woman, would you like to sit for me at my studio?"
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the poor guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles at him and quietly says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you.
You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which the photographer responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
What did Cinderella say when she left the photo store?
Someday my prints will come.
Mary went into her neighborhood pharmacy, walked up to Frank the pharmacist and calmly announced: "I would like to buy some cyanide."
Frank raised an eyebrow. Mary and her husband John had been good neighbors to him and his wife Sheila for many years and this was totally out of character. "Whatever would you want cyanide for, Mary?"
"I need it to poison John."
Frank sputtered. "Poison John? Mary, are you crazy? I can't give you cyanide. That would make me an accessory to murder. Why in the world would you want to poison John?"
Mary calmly removed a photo from her purse and gave it to the pharmacist. The man grew deadly quiet as he realized the photo was of his wife Sheila and John in a passionate embrace, a picture shot obviously through the window of the master bedroom of his own home.
Frank looked up at Mary. "Well, that's different," he finally said. "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
How do you get the professional photographer off your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
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